The Way I Am
by SnowySilence
Summary: A story of Miroku growing up. One Shot COMPLETE


Part 1  
  
~*~*~  
  
The seven year old watched at a distance as his father approached a young lady in the village. He wasn't allowed to go anywhere near when his father was speaking to a woman. He was too young to hear the things his father said. At least, that was the excuse his father used to keep him back.  
  
The boy rolled his eyes in disgust as his father was slapped soundly across the face by the offended woman.  
  
"Why does he do that?" The boy asked, turning to the old man standing near him.  
  
"Because old habits die hard, Miroku." The old man chuckled.  
  
Miroku just shook his head. He would never understand why his father wanted to be slapped by women. He watched his father approach, a bright red hand print on his cheek. "That happens every time you talk to women. What do you say to them that ruffles their feathers like that?"  
  
The monk smiled at his son. "You are too young to understand, my son. Maybe I'll tell you when you're older."  
  
"You always say that."  
  
They walked back to the shrine, where the old man lived. Miroku stayed with him when his father would go on his journeys. When they reached the shrine, the old man sighed. "I'll go make supper."  
  
"Thank you. Miroku, how about you and I practice with your staff, hm?" His father smiled at him.  
  
"Okay." Miroku ran over to the side of the shrine and picked up a plain wood staff and ran back to where his father stood, holding his staff. Miroku stood before his father and readied himself for his father's upcoming attack. He didn't wait long before the monk swung his staff at Miroku. The boy blocked it barely and returned the attack, swinging hard at his father's knee. His father blocked it, then swung his staff upward, knocking Miroku's staff out of his hand, then swiped Miroku's legs out from under him, knocking Miroku on his backside. The monk lowered his staff to Miroku's neck, preventing his son from rising.  
  
"You've been practicing." This father smiled at him. "That was a lot better than before."  
  
"Yeah, but I'm still not that good. You knocked me down in, what, five seconds?" Miroku leaned up on his elbows. His father moved his staff and offered his hand to Miroku. Miroku took it.  
  
"You're only seven Miroku. Of course you're not going to be a master yet." He leaned against a boulder in front of the shrine and beckoned Miroku to sit next to him. "You need to be patient. You'll get better in time."  
  
Miroku sighed and looked away. "What's wrong, Miroku?"  
  
"It's just...just that I'm not sure I want to become a monk." He looked at his father. Seeing the stunned look he quickly went on. "I mean, it's just that I don't want to travel all over the place. What if I find a girl I like? Monks can't marry." Miroku shifted, uncomfortable under his father's gaze.  
  
His father chuckled. "You are definitely my son if you're already thinking about women like that." He smiled fondly at his son. "Miroku, monks can't marry, that's true. But that doesn't mean you have to always be a monk. If you find someone you really love, you can marry her, and quit being a monk."  
  
"Really? Then why didn't you marry mom? Didn't you love her?"  
  
"Probably not as much as she deserved. But she gave me the greatest gift in the world and will always hold a special place in my heart for it." He smiled at Miroku. "She gave me you."  
  
"Why didn't you marry her?"  
  
"Because I have unfinished business with a demon." He held up his right hand. It was covered in a glove and had prayer beads wrapped securely around it. "Did the old man ever tell you why I wear this glove?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Because a demon named Naraku placed a curse on your grandfather. This curse was passed down to me, and if I don't defeat Naraku and destroy him, this curse will be passed to you. I could not marry your mother when I was still cursed, especially after you were born. You were my inspiration to find and defeat Naraku. Unfortunately, I haven't found him yet."  
  
"So, I'm going to have that curse, too? What kind of curse is it?" Miroku had never heard about any of this before.  
  
"It's called the Wind Tunnel. It's a hole in the center of your right hand and if it's not covered and protected with these prayer beads, it will suck up everything in it's path. It grows larger the more you use it, and eventually, it will get too large to cover up with the glove and prayer beads. When that happens, you get drawn into it, too."  
  
Miroku gasped. "Dad! Does that mean you're gonna die?"  
  
"I have no plans on dying just yet. You and I still have time together. And besides, I plan on finding Naraku and killing him before that happens. I don't want you to suffer because of this curse." His father ruffled Miroku's hair. "So don't worry, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Supper!"  
  
Miroku grinned at his father and ran inside the shrine. He loved the old man's cooking.  
  
"What were you two doing out there? I couldn't hear any clacking, so I know you weren't practicing." The old man looked back and forth between father and son.  
  
"We had a conversation that was long overdue."  
  
"I see."  
  
Miroku sat down at the table, helping himself to some rice. "Dad, when are you planning on leaving again?"  
  
"In a couple of days." Seeing the look of disappointment on his son's face, he quickly added, "I thought you and I could go into town tomorrow."  
  
Miroku perked up. "Really? You mean it?" At his father's nod, he grinned. "Great! We'll have lots of fun "  
  
Miroku finished his supper and headed to bed. With all the excitement of his father coming back today, he was exhausted.  
  
The next morning, Miroku woke up bright and early. He quickly dressed and went outside to do his morning chores and exercises. By the time he finished, his father was up and out, waiting for Miroku. Together, they headed for the nearby village.  
  
When they got there, Miroku's father handed him some money and told him to buy whatever he wanted. Miroku quickly began making the rounds to all the shops and vendors, hoping to find something he'd like. Soon, Miroku saw the perfect thing. It was a small gold earing, like his father's. He bought it and went in search of his father.  
  
He was looking only for a short time when her heard a woman giggle. "You shouldn't say such things. You're a monk!"  
  
"Ah, yes, I am a monk, but you are a beautiful an strong young woman. You are bound to produce fine, healthy boys. I would be honored if you would bare my child."  
  
Miroku turned to see his father clasping a young woman's hand, smiling at her in a seductive manner. The woman was giggling. She turned to see Miroku staring wide eyed at them, and cleared her throat. Miroku's father turned and saw Miroku.  
  
"Miroku-"  
  
Miroku didn't wait to hear what his father was going to say, he turned and ran as fast as he could away from the two. Why had his father asked that woman to bare him a child? Wasn't he good enough? Didn't his father love him?  
  
"Miroku! Stop!"  
  
"Leave me alone!"  
  
"Miroku!"  
  
Miroku ran as fast as he could away from his father. He couldn't bare to look at him right then. Tears coursed down Miroku's cheeks, thinking about his mother. His father hadn't loved her. He used her to get a child. And still, he wasn't good enough for his father; he wanted another son.  
  
Miroku wasn't watching where he was going and tripped on a root. He landed hard on the ground, scraping up both legs and the palms of his hands. He pushed himself up on his hands and knees and hung his head. Miroku sobbed. What had he done wrong?  
  
"Miroku."  
  
Hearing his father's voice, Miroku scrambled to his feet, and faced his father. He looked wearily at him. "You never loved me. You never loved Mom. You used her, and now you're using me! I hate you! Just go away like you always do and don't come back!"  
  
"You don't mean that. And you're wrong. I love you more than my life Miroku. I would die for you."  
  
"Liar. If that were true you wouldn't be trying to replace me!"  
  
Miroku's father gaped at him for a moment before falling to his knees and embracing Miroku. Miroku struggled to get away, but his father held him tightly. "I'm not trying to replace you. I would never do that! You are my only child and I love you so much Miroku that it hurts to be away from you."  
  
Miroku gave up trying to pull away. He stood still in his father's grasp. "Then why did you ask that woman to bare you another child? What did I do wrong? Is it because I'm not good at using a staff? Or is it because I said I didn't want to be a monk?"  
  
"Oh, Miroku, you didn't do anything. I ask that of every woman. It's just a bad habit. You didn't do anything wrong." He pulled back to look at Miroku. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that woman that, but sometimes, I'm just overcome by... err... things that you are too young to understand." He gave Miroku a weak smile. "You'll know what I mean when you get older."  
  
"Did you trick mom into having me? Did you sweet talk her like that? You didn't love her at all did you?"  
  
"Miroku, I did love your mother. Not as much as she loved me, I admit, and yes I asked her that question too. But I never tricked her. She knew that I couldn't marry her, and that I wouldn't be around for you. She excepted that. Your mother was an exceptional woman, and I'm grateful that I found her."  
  
"Dad..."  
  
"Please forgive me Miroku. You weren't meant to hear that. I'm sorry that I hurt you."  
  
Miroku looked at his father. He sighed and reached into his pocket pulling out the earing he bought earlier. "Can you put this in for me?"  
  
Miroku's father looked into his palm and saw the little earing. He smiled and looked back up at his son. "Does that mean I'm forgiven?"  
  
"Yeah." Miroku looked down. "I'm sorry I said I hated you. I don't."  
  
"I know."  
  
Miroku and his father walked hand in hand back to the shrine. But before they got there, they were attacked by a bear demon. "Miroku, go and hide!"  
  
"Dad, be careful " Miroku shouted as he ran behind a large rock. He watched as his father battled the demon, but the demon got the upper hand and clawed the monk down the back, leaving deep gashes. He stumbled away from the demon falling to the ground. "DAD!!!"  
  
Miroku jumped up from his hiding spot and ran for his father. But before he took more than three steps, the bear demon roared at him. Miroku froze and stared wide-eyed at the demon as it approached him.  
  
"Miroku, get down! Now!"  
  
Miroku dropped to the ground, covered his head as he felt a gust of wind whip over his head. He risked looking up and saw his father standing, bracing his arm. A black hole in his father's palm seemed to be drawing everything into it, the bear demon roared in fury as it flew at the injured monk. It spread its arms wide as it was pulled into the hole, using his claws to try to keep himself from falling into the endless blackness in the Wind Tunnel. The claws ripped the sides of the Wind Tunnel as it passed through, making Miroku's father wrap his hand quickly and clench his fist.  
  
"Dad!"  
  
Miroku's father looked up. "Help me to the shrine Miroku. I need the old man to look at this."  
  
Miroku lent his father his shoulder and half pulled him to the shrine. Fear ripped at Miroku's gut. He silently prayed that his father would recover from his injury.  
  
When they reached the shrine, Miroku leaned his father against a tree. He began to run for the front of the shrine, but his father caught his arm. "Miroku, I don't have much time, so listen. I want you to know that I love you. I am so proud of you Miroku and I can see how much stronger you are than I am. You will be the one that will destroy Naraku. I can see it in your eyes."  
  
"Dad, stop talking like that. Let me go get you help."  
  
"No. Listen to me. You can do whatever you want with your life Miroku. You don't have to be a monk if you don't want to. But promise me that you will at least learn to protect yourself. Promise me."  
  
"Dad-"  
  
"Promise me."  
  
"Okay, I promise. Please dad, I need to-"  
  
"You have a light Miroku. I see it. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you from this blasted curse. I hope one day you'll forgive me."  
  
"Dad, please, let me go get you help!"  
  
"Alright." His father released his arm. Miroku ran into the shrine yelling. The old man came running.  
  
"What is it? What's happened?"  
  
"It's dad! We were attacked by a demon and it hurt him His Wind Tunnel was ripped too " Miroku grabbed the old man's wrist and began to pull him toward the shrine entrance. He stopped pulling when he felt the strong winds gusting. "DAD!"  
  
Miroku ran for the entrance. He jumped down the steps and raced for his father, but he was stopped by the old man. The old man had wrapped his arms around Miroku's waist, catching him. "You can't It's too late "  
  
"NO! DAD!!!"  
  
Miroku watched as his father disappeared into the windy blackness. The ground began to sink under the blackness and gusting winds. When the wind faded, all that was left was a large hole.  
  
Miroku stared in shock at the hole. The tree that his father had been leaning against was gone, so was the ground beneath the tree. All that was left was a hole of brown dirt. Miroku fell to his knees.  
  
The old man sighed heavily. He walked back into the shrine and returned a short time later with a purple glove, just like Miroku's father's. "You need to put this on. The Wind Tunnel will appear on your hand soon. It won't be strong, but it's better to keep it covered."  
  
Miroku looked up at the old man and then the glove. "No... Dad's not gone, he can't be! I won't wear that glove because dad hasn't died yet! Please, he hasn't died yet!" Miroku's throat clenched and tears streamed from his eyes. He had told his father that he hated him. What an awful thing to say.  
  
"Miroku, I know it hurts, but you need to put the glove on." He handed the glove to Miroku and watched as the seven year old slipped the glove on and wrapped the prayer beads around his hand and wrist. "Good. Now come inside. I've made dinner."  
  
"How can you think of eating now? "  
  
"Because, you are a growing boy who's been through something terrible, and you are about to go through something worse. You need to eat, to keep up your strength."  
  
"No. I'm not hungry." Miroku lowered his head. He felt sick. His father died because he was trying to protect him. He knew it.  
  
"Alright Miroku. Come inside when you want to eat."  
  
Miroku nodded, unable to speak. 'I'm so sorry dad...'  
  
~~*~~*~~  
  
"Miroku please come inside! You need to rest!"  
  
"No, I need to finish this first."  
  
"You've been out here for two days This won't help your father He's gone!" The old man looked crossly at Miroku. "Come in, now."  
  
"I have to finish this first."  
  
The old man threw his hands in the air and walked back into the shrine. Miroku turned back to the headstone. He had been carving it for two days now, with no sleep. He was covered in grime, sweat and blood.  
  
He put the finishing touches on the stone. 'There.' he thought. He stood up and began to drag it to the hole. It was quite an effort but he managed to pull it over. He looked down into the hole. He had to set it up in the middle of the hole; it was where his father had been standing when he had died.  
  
Miroku grabbed the base of the headstone and pushed it to the edge of the hole. He gave another push and it went over the edge, but Miroku didn't let go. So, of course, he was dragged down the side of the hole over the rough dirt. When he managed to stand up, he was covered in dirt, and new scrapes.  
  
'Okay, now to dig a hole in the center deep enough so the headstone won't fall over.' Miroku worked for an hour digging the hole. His muscles were sore, he was tired and hungry, but he wouldn't stop. Not until he finished the memorial.  
  
After the hole was dug, and the headstone put in place, Miroku dropped to his knees. He prayed for his father's soul. When he finished the prayer, he looked at the headstone.  
  
'Dad, I know now. Why you left to fight this demon that put this curse on our family. I also understand why you asked women to bare you children. It was because you knew this would happen. You needed to have someone to carry on the family and our family mission to kill this demon.' Miroku sighed and closed his eyes. 'But I can't do that. I know you said you loved mom, but I can tell. You didn't. You cared for her because she was willing to give you a son. That's all. I want someone that will love me and that I can love in return. I'm sorry, too, that I can't be like you and just have anyone give me a child. I don't want my son to grow up and watch me die like I did you. It hurts too much.'  
  
Miroku opened his eyes and leaned against the headstone. 'If I don't kill Naraku before the curse kills me, then I won't have any children. I won't put them through this. But I also see that you were hiding your sadness and fear. I promise you, dad, I will be just as strong as you. No one will see my fear or my sadness or my pain. I will be brave like you.' Miroku looked at his glove covered hand. The wind tunnel hadn't come yet, but it would. And from the way the old man kept looking out at him from time to time, it would probably be soon.  
  
He let his hand drop and he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry dad. I hope I make you proud." After uttering these words, Miroku stood up and headed up the slope to the shrine. But before he got to the top, he felt an excruciating pain in his right hand. Miroku grabbed his wrist and gasped. He fell to his knees and tumbled back down the hole. It felt as if someone was pulling all the insides of his hand out. Miroku's hands convulsed and he let out a scream. The pain was unbearable.  
  
Miroku felt a strong grip on his shoulders and heard the old man speak. "Relax your hand. The pain will subside just try to relax your hand."  
  
After a few more minutes, the pain began to recede. Miroku leaned against the old man and wimpered.  
  
"There, now lad. The pain will stay gone. Don't worry. Your father and grandfather never said it hurt after the Wind Tunnel appeared. You're going to be fine." He helped Miroku stand and helped him back up to the shrine.  
  
When they got inside, the old man, led Miroku to a tub of hot water. He helped Miroku remove his clothes and climb into the bath. The old man scrubbed Miroku clean and after the bath, treated Miroku's scrapes and cuts. Then the old man helped Miroku get into some fresh clothes and helped him climb into bed.  
  
"I want you to rest, Miroku. If I see you out of that bed before I think you're better, I'll tan your hide. Do you understand?"  
  
"Understood." Miroku gave a small smile to the old man. "Thank you."  
  
~~*~~*~~  
  
Miroku looked down the hole where his father's headstone was. It had been ten years since that time. Miroku had trained hard to become a strong man and a dedicated monk.  
  
"I hope I live up to your hopes father." Miroku sighed. He tugged at the small gold earing that had resembled his father's.   
  
He turned and looked at the old man. "I'll come back from time to time to visit."  
  
"You better come back if that Wind Tunnel needs repairing too."  
  
Miroku smiled. "I will." He headed down the road. It was time for him to start his pilgrimage through the country and help those that needed helping.  
  
A little while later, he saw a young woman who had dropped her basket of vegetables. He walked over to the woman.  
  
"Here, let me help." As he picked up her vegetables he was struck by the girl's beauty. "My, you're lovely." He smiled at her. 'Father,' he thought, 'you were right. I would understand when I got older.'  
  
At this thought, he grinned at the woman. "Would you do me the honor of baring me a child?"  
  
SLAP!  
  
~*~*~  
  
LoL - What did you think??? I've seen the two episodes where they some what go into Miroku's past, but that's all I know, so if I made any contradictions due to the fact I've only seen the Inuyasha Eps they show on Cartoon Network, Let me know so I can fix it. ^_^ I've always wondered what Miroku was like growing up... LoL! Please, R/R ~_~ 


End file.
